Crumbs From the Corner: Adventures in Woolgathering

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Guaranteed Cure



"Every patient is a doctor after his cure."
-Proverb

One evening years ago when I first knew my Spouse, I suddenly developed a dreadful case of the hiccups. The problem did not cease when I expected it to, that is to say, after a few minutes. It seemed to go on interminably and I grew weary. But Spouse had a cure, a magic cure that could not fail.
I was ordered to stand alone in a dark bathroom, gaze in front of a mirror, and count out loud for two whole minutes.
I have a fear of the darkness; mirrors do not appeal much; bathrooms are hardly conducive to pleasant times. I took my Spouse's advice, gritted my teeth and stepped inside.
I loathed counting in that gloom, with only my eerie reflection staring back at me. It was a terribly long two minutes and I emerged from the bathroom quite furious.
It had not worked at all. I was yet hiccuping and worse, had wasted precious moments being scared in a strange and unfamiliar house.
I marched to the living room to demand my proverbial money back from the fellow who had claimed to know the remedy.
Just before I turned the corner, Spouse leaped out like a madman and bellowed at me.
My hiccups disappeared without a trace.
Spouse's task was complete; I had assumed the wrong element to be the intended cure.
I am forever declaring it: things are not always what they seem.

6 comments:

julochka said...

i love it!! in fact, things are rarely what they seem. one of my favorite quotes, from the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is "reality is frequently inaccurate."

on another note...my uncle had a hiccup cure in which he would say, "come on, hiccup for me..." that one always worked for me, becuase i could never hiccup on command.

TheElementary said...

I love that book too, have done for a long time.
That's a fine hiccup idea! It's so much more humane than jumping at somebody, don't you think? :)

The Texican said...

The, tell Spouse thank you for the new idea. Always happy to have something new to try when someone has the hiccups. I know my wife will love it.:)

TheElementary said...

Texican,
I'll be sure to pass your thanks on. If it hadn't happened to me personally, I'd happily say it's a great cure :)

mouse (aka kimy) said...

tee hee. spouse was quite clever masking the scare, that never fail cure, in a bit of a red herring - you were surprised and thus it worked!

TheElementary said...

Kimy,
I wasn't so much surprised as almost dead on the floor with fear :O But yes, it worked. I could never, ever pull off a stunt like that on anybody. I'd tell everything in advance, I can't stand tricking people even for their own good. But I see why he did it...now.

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